COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVELY WITHOUT LOOSING YOUR MIND AND SANITY.
Communication is so important among people of all ages. Misunderstandings can be avoided, and great things can be accomplished when there is Open Positive Communication. Words can hurt or they can encourage, they can teach or they can tear down, but no matter what they are very powerful. They are also a huge reflection of what is in our heart.
Definition of Communication: The act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc. to someone else. Communication is sharing your information to someone else and they understand what it is you are trying to convey to them. When they understand this is positive, effective communication.
Most people have ineffective communication. This is when you feel they did not get it or they feel something else and the doors slam, the words fly out, the past is thrown like mud, the silent treatment or punish them, etc……… Misunderstandings. Deep wounds, hurts, pains, inflicted because we do not do effective communication.
“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips [to keep me from speaking thoughtlessly].” PSALM 141:3 AMP
“LORD, help me control my tongue; help me be careful about what I say.” Psalms 141:3 NCV
“Help me to guard my words whenever I say something.” Psalms 141:3 CEVDC. Contemporary English Bible
“Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” Psalms 141:3 KJV
What does a guard do? They protect, they check what goes in and what goes out, like a security guard. It was Words, Powerful Words that God created our world as we know it. Word are powerful, they are creative. God says Speak the Word, Speak to your mountain and it shall be removed.
This is telling me that there is so much Power and Potential with our words. Listen to the word set a guard over my mouth, help me control my tongue, guard my words, why? The power to create or destroy will be released by your words. You have the ability to build up or tear down, people, ministries, business, children, spouses, co-workers. You ever seen in the movies how they handle nitroglycerin, they handle it so carefully because one slip or one false move they blow up. Your communication can kill or heal.
“Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; for the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us].” JAMES 1:19-20 AMP
We have not been taught this. This is negative communication is to speak whatever comes into your head. It is a lack of discipline. It is a lack of self control. Loose Lips Sink Ships. Loose lips sink marriages, business, churches, dreams, self esteems, etc.
Mastering communication involves inviting God into your heart and mouth. The word says quick to hear, be a careful, thoughtful listener, and slow to speak, slow to anger. Most are no listening or hearing only to react, quick on the speaking and of course anger.
We use selective hearing, we hear what we want to hear, but here is where the immature of a person is seen. They speak what they feel. The speak what they think. This is the sign of an immature person because they do not think about the other person, just what they want to say.
Communication when it is effective is sending and receiving information and both parties are understanding what the other person is sharing. Anger, yelling, calling names, slander, put downs, is just showing we are immature in our communication skills. Most people do not work at developing an effective, positive, Godly communication. Many still communicate they way they did when you were children, yell scream, pout, throw your toys, won’t play if you can’t whatever.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” PROVERBS 18:21 AMP
The power of the tongue, is death and life. Those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit. This means you eat, live with what you produce with your words. To your children, to your spouse, to your co-workers, to your in laws, to who ever.
Your words will produce fruit. Fruit, could be love, faithfulness, respect, honor, caring, compassion, loyalty, or depending how you speak and the words you let out of your unguarded mouth. Unguarded undisciplined mouth speaks things that are disrespectful, dishonoring, cruel, heartless, selfish, mean, degrading, etc……
One day I woke up, God woke me up. I came to the realization that my church became my mistress. I cheated on my wife and kids with my church. My business got the best of my times, the best of my attitudes, the best of my service, the best of my help, the best of my interest. Then when i went home i was tired, grumpy, selfish, mean and the things i would say to my kids and wife. I communicated positive, effective, Godly to everyone at my work but dropped it all when I got home. What and what level of value you place on them will determine your level of communication.
There are people who are alone, lonely because they are eating the fruit of their words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. This tongue can criticize, this tongue can encourage and lift up the spirits of my children and spouse or it can put them down.
Verbal abuse is a big thing now. It is on the same level as physical abuse. The wounds are deep but no one sees.
Verbal abuse (verbal attack or verbal assault) is when a person forcefully criticizes, insults, or denounces someone else. Characterized by underlying anger and hostility, it is a destructive form of communication intended to harm the self-concept of the other person and produce negative emotions. Verbal abuse is a maladaptive mechanism that anyone can display occasionally, such as during times of high stress or physical discomfort. For some people, it is a pattern of behaviors used intentionally to control or manipulate others or to get revenge.
When you get to this place there is no guard. When your mouth is unguarded, who is there? The Thief, He loves to rip off the unguarded. When your mouth is unguarded you are set up for failure, you are set to be ripped off.
In Ecclesiastic it says there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. The word appears over a hundred times in the Bible. There are appropriate times in our communications to be silent. Like when the other party is sharing and you are actively listening. This word silent in Hebrew conveys to mean as a sign of RESPECT, evidence of discretion and discernment, and as an aid to meditation.
Chinese quote: speech is silver but silence is golden.
“Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak].” EPHESIANS 4:29 AMP
“When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you.” Ephesians 4:29 NCV
“He who has knowledge restrains and is careful with his words, And a man of understanding and wisdom has a cool spirit (self-control, an even temper). Even a [callous, arrogant] fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips he is regarded as sensible (prudent, discreet) and a man of understanding.” PROVERBS 17:27-28 AMP